What are You?????

They (whoever) could identify a customer's personality on what
drinks they ordered? Although interviewed separately,
they concurred on almost all counts. The results:
IF WOMEN DRINK...
BEER
Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool .
COCKTAILS OR BLENDER DRINKS WITH UMBRELLA
Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the
ass.
Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin
boy.
MIXED DRINKS - NO UMBRELLAS E.G.; GIN AND TONIC /
SCOTCH AND SODA
Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she
wants
Approach: If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.
WATER
Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious
relationship.
Approach: Don't.
WINE - (BOTTLED, NOT 4 LITRE CASK)
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the
conversation.
BACARDI BREEZER, RED SQUARE , ARCHERS COOLER, SMIRNOFF
ICE, MUDSHAKE ETC.
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and
sophisticated actually has no clue.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and
you're in.
CAPE VELVET
Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to
the pub.
SHOTS AND SLAMMERS (TEQUILA, VODKA, AFTERSHOCK ETC .)
Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or
looking to get drunk...and naked.
Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, nothing to do but
wait.
IF MEN DRINK... (As always, very simple and clear
cut.)
CIDER: He's probably under-aged and wants to get laid.
CHEAP DOMESTIC BEER: He's poor / student and wants to
get laid.
CASTLE OR PILSNER LAGER BEER: He likes good beer,kulewa haraka and wants to get laid.
IMPORTED BEER: He's old; he likes good beer and wants
to get laid.
GUINNESS,WHITE CAP OR TUSKER: The man is sexy, sophisticated, charming,
generous and intelligent known for his caring nature
and an unbelievable shag - always gets laid HELL YEAH!!! YOU BEST BELIEVE IT!!!
WATER: He just threw up and is trying to wash the
taste out of his mouth so that he can still get laid.
WINE: He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a
sophisticated image and help him get laid.
VODKA/BRANDY Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm
scarf. Desperate to get laid.
PORT : Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men
and wants to get laid.
WHISKY: He doesn't give two shits about anything and
will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting
laid.
JACK DANIELS: Not as masculine as the whisky drinker,
knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet
etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.
RUM OR TEQUILA : Likes fighting almost as much as
getting laid.
BACARDI BREEZER, RED SQUARE , ARCHERS COOLER, SMIRNOFF
ICE, ETC He's gay (blatantly) - don't turn your back
or pick up any dropped change.
watch what you drink you never know who is
watching!!!! !!